I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
