You just made me feel so damn special
Say something about gay babies.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
