the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
