I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
