Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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