Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
