I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
