just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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