Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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