I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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