sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
