We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
