shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
