i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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