Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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