I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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