I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
