gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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