I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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