Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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