College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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