I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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