Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love having hate sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
