Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The air was thick with penises
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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