If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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