Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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