What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
