He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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