He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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