I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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