You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
