so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
