Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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