let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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