And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think i got beer on your cat.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
