My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
