When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
