dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
