Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize