shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
