More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize