I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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