i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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