His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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