Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Less talking, more tequila
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
