Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
