ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
