We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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