Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
