it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
