you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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