How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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