dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
