Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
