sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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