They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
