i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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