I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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