It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
