So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
