Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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